The graphics on the header are covering up the paper’s name. This should not be, as the readers should know what paper they are reading and what section it is. There is a cartoon purple military tank covering this information. Also, the dialogue bubble has the numeral 5 in it. It should be five according to AP Style Handbook.
Sidebar: A good day for 'Twin Peaks' fans. The tidbit is too awkwardly wordy. It should read: "First, Showtime announced they are going to resurrect Twin Peaks, now comes a new book. 'The Secret Lives of Twin Peaks,' a novel that ..." The information pertaining to the publishers hold be moved to the ver last part of the tidbit.
Sidebar: The tidbit about The Rock was also awkward. The first sentence needs a removed. It suggests the "selfie craze shows no signs of slowing." Is it a movement? Just get to the point of the tidbit about the Rock taking a selfie. Also, the photo is a bit too fuzzy.
Sidebar: Neil Patrick Harris reflects on being chosen to host the next Oscar Academy Awards show. It has a very dull quote that can be paraphrase, and has the "so what?" factor. I don't care, list why he was chosen, quote a member of the Academy board.
Sidebar: Celebrity Birthdays. Need to be made in separate sentences, like bullet points. They are all flowing together. A bit confusing to read, and the photos are fuzzy and poorly "shopped" in.
Graphic: Information about when newly-born babies have their photos taken and posted. Interesting graphic, draws attention, should be moved up to top of sidebar column.
Sidebar: Celebrity Birthdays. Need to be made in separate sentences, like bullet points. They are all flowing together. A bit confusing to read, and the photos are fuzzy and poorly "shopped" in.
Graphic: Information about when newly-born babies have their photos taken and posted. Interesting graphic, draws attention, should be moved up to top of sidebar column.
Main Story: The main story needs a rewrite and should be flipped with the story that follows on page two. The quotes and paraphrases have been chopped up and spliced in one sentence, attributions should read “said” and not “says." Just like last week's edition. Needs to be a new paragraph after WASHINGTON. Again, the story has poor attributions, some quotes don't even have an attribution, so no one knows who said it. awkward phrasing of sentences and structuring of quotes, and there are several micro-issues that need to be taken care of. The title of the story is below the fold line, needs to be moved up. Cutline should indicate which specific photo it is referring to, not just saying "Top." There are two photos above the cutline. The story does a poor job at trying to give an insight look at how the cast and director made the film of 'Fury,' while the second follow-up story on page two does a better job and should be placed on the front.
Second Story: A informative story about novel author John Grisham, and his quotes about the judicial system, prisons, sentencing, etc. This story has good quotes, more humanized than most published in the Life section, has few micro-editing issues, but does combine paraphrasing and quotes in sentences. Ends in a good quote, story should have been main focus for front page.
Page Two:
Main Story: Similar stories to the main on the front page but written better. This is the story that should have appeared on the front page. It has good quotes, it is decently written, with fewer grammatical mistakes and of combining quotes and paraphrases. The paper printed the same photo from the front page story above a scene photo from the film. There needs to be one big photo of the scene the story reflects, preferably one that doesn't have the back of two of the cast's heads showing. Also, why have a second similar story to the front page story? Waste of space and time. There are other stories that could have been put in the space.
Right Column: Story regarding the cause of death to late comedian Joan Rivers. It lists medical terminology and then puts it in Laymen's Terms for the reader, conflicted on this. Flip the placement of the terms, have the one readers understand first and the actual medical one following. Also, the third to last paragraph needs to bee rewritten. It reads like it a television report.
Right Column: Story regarding the cause of death to late comedian Joan Rivers. It lists medical terminology and then puts it in Laymen's Terms for the reader, conflicted on this. Flip the placement of the terms, have the one readers understand first and the actual medical one following. Also, the third to last paragraph needs to bee rewritten. It reads like it a television report.
Bottom Half of Page Two: There are two basic and simple stories. Both are reviews for new films: Best of Me and Book of Life. The previews give the readers information enough to have an overall view of the film before seeing it. AKA it gives spoilers. These need to be removed from the preview. Also, the
Page Three:
Main Story: This is a half-page info-graphic story about products readers can purchase that donate percentages to help research cures for breast cancer. Typical descriptions and photos of products. The photos however, should contain the color pink since in some of the descriptions it lists pink and in one the writer of the graphic asks "How adorable are these pink mugs?" Case in point: I don't know, they look grey and white to me, not pink. The headline is titled "Think pink," for a reason, so why not have the color pink printed in the pictures to make the graphic pop and draw the readers attention. Photos are clear and crisp.
Bottom Half of Page Three:
There are two basic and simple stories. Both are reviews of a new film, Birdman, and a new theatre production of On the Town. The reviews are typical. They give the readers an insight/overall view of the production. The ratings, however, are high, therefore these two reviews should be moved to page two, as mentioned above, readers should read good reviews first. Both are good reviews, they are humanized for readers to understand and keep reading, though they are a bit wordy in some areas, which needs to be addressed. Photos need to have the contrast adjusted, Birdman is too dark, and On the Town is too bright.
Bottom Half of Page Three:
There are two basic and simple stories. Both are reviews of a new film, Birdman, and a new theatre production of On the Town. The reviews are typical. They give the readers an insight/overall view of the production. The ratings, however, are high, therefore these two reviews should be moved to page two, as mentioned above, readers should read good reviews first. Both are good reviews, they are humanized for readers to understand and keep reading, though they are a bit wordy in some areas, which needs to be addressed. Photos need to have the contrast adjusted, Birdman is too dark, and On the Town is too bright.
Page Four:
Sidebar: 'The Raise a Glass' tidbit is a basic listing of reader's voting choices of best beer towns in the USA. The list should be first, with the information about the voting process below the list. Also, number two on the list has no state with it. Is it Tampa, FL? The photo with this tidbit is too fuzzy.
Sidebar: A tidbit about Mississippi River Cruises. Overall a good informative story, few micro-editing issues. The story should be placed at the top with the beer town story at the bottom.
Main Story: Debunking five myths about flight attendants. This story is both humanized and informative. It has good quotes, but are poorly attributed, and the story leaves some open ended questions that need to be addressed, such as that "a major airline," was listed but not specifically, i.e. what was the name of the airline?
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