This critique is of Friday, October 31, 2014 edition. It is being posted one week late due to work and school projects. It is the final of the newspaper critiques.
Front Page:
Top of page: There is a ribbon graphic next to the paper's logo. Design wise, I would have inserted a film reel or a projector as the edition is about upcoming films for the next two months.
SideBar: Style Star is just boring. It lists what the actress, Allison Williams, wore to the press meet of Peter Pan Live. SO WHAT! It should reflect more on what she said about the upcoming live performance that will air on NMC. Also, the cutout of Williams is overlapping the top graphic of a ribbon.
Sidebar: Good Day tidbit updates readers on what is happening with E!'s Soup show. The photo of the host should also include the Soup TV screen on the host's left hand side instead of leaving a white space.
Sidebar: Information regarding music producer, Suge Knight, being arrested for robbery. WAS HE CHARGED? The story needs to indicate this and whether Katt Williams was also arrested/charged in connection to the robbery.
Sidebar: Bottom graphic is of what candy scored the most tweets for Halloween. Interesting graphic, should be up at top since paper's publication was on Halloween.
Movie Previews: Most of the movie previews are basic and give readers enough info about the upcoming films. However, the Interstellar preview lists names of correspondents and their affiliations. The bottom three previous state just the correspondents' last names when it should be reiterated for it has jumped to a different preview. Also, the Interstellar info box should be moved over to the right a bit so it does not cover up the photo of actor Matthew McConaughey.
Page Two: More movie previews. Again basic and inform readers enough for a glimpse of the film's plot. However there is much white space that could be filled with more screen stills of some of the previewed films. The Cutline for the Hunger Games: Mocking Jay Part I is very cliche. It reads "locked and loaded," which is a reference for guns, the photo is of actress Jennifer Lawrence standing and looking off the page with a satchel of arrows on her back. Cutline needs to be rewritten. The bottom of the page has an overlapping photo that covers part of "December," and more white space. A film still of the latest Hobbit film should have been placed in the space since it is a very popular film series.
Page Three: Travel!
Sidebar: The sidebar stories list information about the latest cruises and flights and airplane models. Gives the basic descriptions and information for bookings and prices
Main Story: The Incredible Shrinking Airline Seat... a "punny" headline that works. However, the photo of just a regular airline seat should have been a illustration of the seat progressively shrinking down. See page doodle for example. The story gives insightful information as to why and how the seats have gotten smaller over the years and has a chart listing the information for readers to more easily understand/read. However, there is way too much white space on both sides of the story. It should be condensed and other stories on pages four and six should be place in the space accordingly. Also, the story's beginning paragraphs for each section need to be indented.
Page Four: Continuation of Holiday movie previews. All three should be rearranged for design purposes. The photos should be looking into the story or at the story/page. Not out. The theatre review of Stoppard's 'Real Thing" should be place on the bottom of the page with the puzzles moving to page five and the Friday night TV schedule on page five moving to page six, and the pieces on page six moved into the paper.
Page Five: The channel list and schedules/times for Friday needs to be with the others on page six. Also it is relatively larger in comparison to the other schedules. It should be adjusted in size.
Page Six: The Good Wife review should be placed on the inside of the paper on page four next to the theatre show review, on the bottom of the page. This should be done after the other design changes have been done.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Proust Interview Questions
Josh Lycans
What is your most marked characteristic?
Being open and friendly
What is the quality you most like in a man?
Loyalty
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Friendship
What do you most value in your friends?
Reliability and Trustworthiness
What is the trait you most deplore in
yourself?
My self-confidence is lower than what I wish it to be.
What is your favorite occupation?
Special Effects Makeup Artistry (a hobby, not an
occupation.)
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
A solid and devoted relationship with a loving partner;
together making the most out of life’s journeys.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of
misery?
Being alone, with no friends, no family, no lovers is truly
the lowest depth of misery.
In which country would you like to live?
Canada or Great
Britain
Who are your favorite writers?
Jules Verne, HG
Wells, Robert Louis Stevenson, Jeff Rice, Richard Matheson
Who are your favorite poets?
I only have one
favorite poet, Edgar Allan Poe.
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
I have two.
The Shadow, a 30s
and 40s pulp fiction hero who can “cloud men’s minds” and “knows what evil’s
lurk in the hearts of men,” and the most famous sleuth of all, Sherlock Holmes.
Who is your favorite heroine of fiction?
Hermione Granger, the smart and
ever loyal witch in the Harry Potter series.
Who are your favorite composers?
I have many favorite
singers, too many to list in fact. But the top three: Louis Armstrong, Dean
Martin, and Jerry Lee Lewis.
Who are your favorite painters?
Da Vinci and
Michelangelo
What are your favorite names?
Vincent, Trent and
Abigail, Lenore
What is it that you most dislike?
Closed-minded people
Which talent would you most like to have?
I am quite comfortable
with my own talents.
How would you like to die?
I would prefer to
die alongside my lover, so that I won’t be alone without him in life and in
death/afterlife.
What is your current state of mind?
My mind is currently
scattered with the craziness that has invaded my life at the moment.
What is your motto?
I don’t think I have one, I just keep trying
my best and take life one step at a time.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Critique of USA Today's Life Section #8
Front Page:
The graphics on the header are sized appropriately and do not cover up the paper’s name. In the preview of the cruise ship story, the headline and subhead read awkwardly. The use of buoy is a bit confusing and "puny," needs to be reworded as well as "takes the case," it is cliche and has no reference to the headline above. Should be written like: "Best cruises keep his spirits afloat/Douglas Ward fishes for best ships," etc.
Main Story: Television show review of Constantine pilot. Review is basic and gives four out of five stars, should be placed on page two below Swift story. Makes good references to previous tim adaptations and the graphic novels in which the show is based upon. Gives readers insight and basic knowledge in order to understand the concept of the show/character. Good photo and cutline, sums of part of the pilot. Headline is "puny" to those who know the character, it works in this case.
Second Story: Poor film review of John Wick. Bland review about Keanu Reeves' latest film and about how violent and gory the film is with a lack of a good story and script. Story should be placed next to Constantine review as it is on current page but on page two below Swift story. Headline is super "puny," needs a rewrite in this case.
Page Five: Basic summaries of what to stream and watch online and what is recommended to watch that night (Friday).
The lower half of page is the weekend TV schedule, this should be flipped with page six, as page six is the current day TV schedule (Friday).
The graphics on the header are sized appropriately and do not cover up the paper’s name. In the preview of the cruise ship story, the headline and subhead read awkwardly. The use of buoy is a bit confusing and "puny," needs to be reworded as well as "takes the case," it is cliche and has no reference to the headline above. Should be written like: "Best cruises keep his spirits afloat/Douglas Ward fishes for best ships," etc.
Sidebar: Style Star tidbit about Lupota Nyong'o's fashion trend. Tidbit has so what? factor. Lists her savvy was back on display, why was it taken off display in first place? Needs to be more humanized/connected. Image of Nyong'o is cropped poorly, her head has been cut in to the basics of a square with a curved side.
Sidebar: The tidbit about Halle Berry launching a new bra line with Target is interesting. Though the small headline of "Making Waves" needs to be rewritten as it is confusing and pertains nothing to the actual story. Good quote, though as usual, no attribution.
Sidebar: Caught in the act! George Clooney is in everyday "man's" clothes! Heaven forbid! This is a bland "fluff/filler" tidbit. It also restates information about his wedding that took place almost a month ago. The photo does not do the story justice, he looks like an average man heading to a doctor's appointment. Needs to be removed and have a different story inserted.
Graphic: Information about men's thoughts on facial hair. Interesting info listed in graphic, should be moved up to top of sidebar column.
Graphic: Information about men's thoughts on facial hair. Interesting info listed in graphic, should be moved up to top of sidebar column.
Main Story: Taylor Swift's taking a chance with new album. Story has poor attributes and quotes. It paraphrases while actually quoting Swift, information about her album should be listed towards end of story, not after a quote. Photo fades into bright white which bleeds into page, needs to have contrast/brightness adjusted just a bit so Swift doesn't appear to be an actually part of the page. Photo attribution is all the way over in the right hand corner after the last paragraph, needs to be moved to left hand corner of photo instead.
Second Story: A music review on Swift's latest album, 1989. First paragraph needs to be indented. Superstar should be singer; superstar seems to be opinionated. The review pulls lyrics from the albums songs for "fluff/filler," it does not add or remove from review, should be removed. Max Martin is listed, with no information proceeding his name. Who is he? I had to look him up because I did not know, he is a songwriter. EDM is listed, but not explained, I still don't know what it stands for. Photo of CD is fuzzy and bland.
AD: The ad on the front page is a bit of an eyesore. It takes up too much space, causing the review to have 2 short paragraph columns of 6 lines "dangling" on the right side of the page. Ad should be adjusted in size or placed on a different page.
Left Sidebar Column: Best Riverfront in USA. The information as to how the cities are selected needs to be removed as the story should jump into listing the cities after "are:" Also, it states how readers can vote after the list, no sense in restating the same information. Photo is fuzzy. One final note, no states were listed with the cities of Pittsburgh, Louisville, and Detroit. WHY!? Some people may not know where these states are, and if the other states are listed/abbreviated, these should have been as well.
AD: The ad on the front page is a bit of an eyesore. It takes up too much space, causing the review to have 2 short paragraph columns of 6 lines "dangling" on the right side of the page. Ad should be adjusted in size or placed on a different page.
Left Sidebar Column: Best Riverfront in USA. The information as to how the cities are selected needs to be removed as the story should jump into listing the cities after "are:" Also, it states how readers can vote after the list, no sense in restating the same information. Photo is fuzzy. One final note, no states were listed with the cities of Pittsburgh, Louisville, and Detroit. WHY!? Some people may not know where these states are, and if the other states are listed/abbreviated, these should have been as well.
Page Two:
Main Story: Another Taylor Swift story! The better of the three stories, this one should have been placed on the front as it has the most humanized characteristics to it. It is about Swift's secret meetings with picked fans for their thoughts/review of her newest album before it is officially released. Story has exceptional quotes, but poor or no attributes. There is a bit of white space below cutline of photos. Second photo can be adjusted in size to accommodate this. Main photo should have had Swift with a fan(s) not of her sitting on a rug with her hands in her lap. Headline has more than three/four spaces after it ends, thus a new font style/type should be selected or the headline should be rewritten.
Bottom Half of Page Two: The crosswords and other puzzles should be placed on the back page along with comics to accommodate for lack of stories. Not inside of the paper.
Page Three:
Main Story: Entire page of a Question and Answer session with Douglas Ward. While Q&A's are interesting in person, reading them it is not so much. The entire thing needs to be rewritten as a feature story. Note: There is a CRAP TON of WHITE SPACE all over this page. Four half columns of just empty space. The photo at the top can be placed further to the right to make one full column of space available and a better cutline can be written in this space as well as a pull quote. Similar choices can be made for the other available space on the page. There is even a "..." in the middle of Ward's answer. WHY!? Include what he said to aid in taking up the space, don't remove it! I would have liked to have read what his full reply was.
Alaska Air flies to Hawaii. Interesting tidbit and useful information about the flights and what airlines will cancel/cease to do these routes that have been picked up by Alaska Air. The year 2015 should be listed after Januarary.
Sail to Bahamas for a day. Few issues, mostly grammar and punctuation issues. The story gives good information pertaining to new ferry trip from Florida to Bahamas that will begin in 2015. This should be placed above the Alaska story as more people go to Bahamas and Florida than they do Hawaii and Alaska.
Alaska Air flies to Hawaii. Interesting tidbit and useful information about the flights and what airlines will cancel/cease to do these routes that have been picked up by Alaska Air. The year 2015 should be listed after Januarary.
Sail to Bahamas for a day. Few issues, mostly grammar and punctuation issues. The story gives good information pertaining to new ferry trip from Florida to Bahamas that will begin in 2015. This should be placed above the Alaska story as more people go to Bahamas and Florida than they do Hawaii and Alaska.
Page Four:
Main Story: Television show review of Constantine pilot. Review is basic and gives four out of five stars, should be placed on page two below Swift story. Makes good references to previous tim adaptations and the graphic novels in which the show is based upon. Gives readers insight and basic knowledge in order to understand the concept of the show/character. Good photo and cutline, sums of part of the pilot. Headline is "puny" to those who know the character, it works in this case.
Second Story: Poor film review of John Wick. Bland review about Keanu Reeves' latest film and about how violent and gory the film is with a lack of a good story and script. Story should be placed next to Constantine review as it is on current page but on page two below Swift story. Headline is super "puny," needs a rewrite in this case.
Page Five: Basic summaries of what to stream and watch online and what is recommended to watch that night (Friday).
The lower half of page is the weekend TV schedule, this should be flipped with page six, as page six is the current day TV schedule (Friday).
Page Six: Full Page Ad, waste of space.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Critique of USA Today's Life Section #7
Front Page:
The graphics on the header are covering up the paper’s name. This should not be, as the readers should know what paper they are reading and what section it is. There is a cartoon purple military tank covering this information. Also, the dialogue bubble has the numeral 5 in it. It should be five according to AP Style Handbook.
Sidebar: 'The Raise a Glass' tidbit is a basic listing of reader's voting choices of best beer towns in the USA. The list should be first, with the information about the voting process below the list. Also, number two on the list has no state with it. Is it Tampa, FL? The photo with this tidbit is too fuzzy.
Sidebar: A tidbit about Mississippi River Cruises. Overall a good informative story, few micro-editing issues. The story should be placed at the top with the beer town story at the bottom.
The graphics on the header are covering up the paper’s name. This should not be, as the readers should know what paper they are reading and what section it is. There is a cartoon purple military tank covering this information. Also, the dialogue bubble has the numeral 5 in it. It should be five according to AP Style Handbook.
Sidebar: A good day for 'Twin Peaks' fans. The tidbit is too awkwardly wordy. It should read: "First, Showtime announced they are going to resurrect Twin Peaks, now comes a new book. 'The Secret Lives of Twin Peaks,' a novel that ..." The information pertaining to the publishers hold be moved to the ver last part of the tidbit.
Sidebar: The tidbit about The Rock was also awkward. The first sentence needs a removed. It suggests the "selfie craze shows no signs of slowing." Is it a movement? Just get to the point of the tidbit about the Rock taking a selfie. Also, the photo is a bit too fuzzy.
Sidebar: Neil Patrick Harris reflects on being chosen to host the next Oscar Academy Awards show. It has a very dull quote that can be paraphrase, and has the "so what?" factor. I don't care, list why he was chosen, quote a member of the Academy board.
Sidebar: Celebrity Birthdays. Need to be made in separate sentences, like bullet points. They are all flowing together. A bit confusing to read, and the photos are fuzzy and poorly "shopped" in.
Graphic: Information about when newly-born babies have their photos taken and posted. Interesting graphic, draws attention, should be moved up to top of sidebar column.
Sidebar: Celebrity Birthdays. Need to be made in separate sentences, like bullet points. They are all flowing together. A bit confusing to read, and the photos are fuzzy and poorly "shopped" in.
Graphic: Information about when newly-born babies have their photos taken and posted. Interesting graphic, draws attention, should be moved up to top of sidebar column.
Main Story: The main story needs a rewrite and should be flipped with the story that follows on page two. The quotes and paraphrases have been chopped up and spliced in one sentence, attributions should read “said” and not “says." Just like last week's edition. Needs to be a new paragraph after WASHINGTON. Again, the story has poor attributions, some quotes don't even have an attribution, so no one knows who said it. awkward phrasing of sentences and structuring of quotes, and there are several micro-issues that need to be taken care of. The title of the story is below the fold line, needs to be moved up. Cutline should indicate which specific photo it is referring to, not just saying "Top." There are two photos above the cutline. The story does a poor job at trying to give an insight look at how the cast and director made the film of 'Fury,' while the second follow-up story on page two does a better job and should be placed on the front.
Second Story: A informative story about novel author John Grisham, and his quotes about the judicial system, prisons, sentencing, etc. This story has good quotes, more humanized than most published in the Life section, has few micro-editing issues, but does combine paraphrasing and quotes in sentences. Ends in a good quote, story should have been main focus for front page.
Page Two:
Main Story: Similar stories to the main on the front page but written better. This is the story that should have appeared on the front page. It has good quotes, it is decently written, with fewer grammatical mistakes and of combining quotes and paraphrases. The paper printed the same photo from the front page story above a scene photo from the film. There needs to be one big photo of the scene the story reflects, preferably one that doesn't have the back of two of the cast's heads showing. Also, why have a second similar story to the front page story? Waste of space and time. There are other stories that could have been put in the space.
Right Column: Story regarding the cause of death to late comedian Joan Rivers. It lists medical terminology and then puts it in Laymen's Terms for the reader, conflicted on this. Flip the placement of the terms, have the one readers understand first and the actual medical one following. Also, the third to last paragraph needs to bee rewritten. It reads like it a television report.
Right Column: Story regarding the cause of death to late comedian Joan Rivers. It lists medical terminology and then puts it in Laymen's Terms for the reader, conflicted on this. Flip the placement of the terms, have the one readers understand first and the actual medical one following. Also, the third to last paragraph needs to bee rewritten. It reads like it a television report.
Bottom Half of Page Two: There are two basic and simple stories. Both are reviews for new films: Best of Me and Book of Life. The previews give the readers information enough to have an overall view of the film before seeing it. AKA it gives spoilers. These need to be removed from the preview. Also, the
Page Three:
Main Story: This is a half-page info-graphic story about products readers can purchase that donate percentages to help research cures for breast cancer. Typical descriptions and photos of products. The photos however, should contain the color pink since in some of the descriptions it lists pink and in one the writer of the graphic asks "How adorable are these pink mugs?" Case in point: I don't know, they look grey and white to me, not pink. The headline is titled "Think pink," for a reason, so why not have the color pink printed in the pictures to make the graphic pop and draw the readers attention. Photos are clear and crisp.
Bottom Half of Page Three:
There are two basic and simple stories. Both are reviews of a new film, Birdman, and a new theatre production of On the Town. The reviews are typical. They give the readers an insight/overall view of the production. The ratings, however, are high, therefore these two reviews should be moved to page two, as mentioned above, readers should read good reviews first. Both are good reviews, they are humanized for readers to understand and keep reading, though they are a bit wordy in some areas, which needs to be addressed. Photos need to have the contrast adjusted, Birdman is too dark, and On the Town is too bright.
Bottom Half of Page Three:
There are two basic and simple stories. Both are reviews of a new film, Birdman, and a new theatre production of On the Town. The reviews are typical. They give the readers an insight/overall view of the production. The ratings, however, are high, therefore these two reviews should be moved to page two, as mentioned above, readers should read good reviews first. Both are good reviews, they are humanized for readers to understand and keep reading, though they are a bit wordy in some areas, which needs to be addressed. Photos need to have the contrast adjusted, Birdman is too dark, and On the Town is too bright.
Page Four:
Sidebar: 'The Raise a Glass' tidbit is a basic listing of reader's voting choices of best beer towns in the USA. The list should be first, with the information about the voting process below the list. Also, number two on the list has no state with it. Is it Tampa, FL? The photo with this tidbit is too fuzzy.
Sidebar: A tidbit about Mississippi River Cruises. Overall a good informative story, few micro-editing issues. The story should be placed at the top with the beer town story at the bottom.
Main Story: Debunking five myths about flight attendants. This story is both humanized and informative. It has good quotes, but are poorly attributed, and the story leaves some open ended questions that need to be addressed, such as that "a major airline," was listed but not specifically, i.e. what was the name of the airline?
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Critique of USA Today's Life Section #6
Front Page:
The graphics on
the header are covering up the paper’s name. This should not be, as the readers
should know what paper they are reading and what section it is. There is a
judge’s gavel and an orange leaf covering this information.
Sidebar: The
Lifeline tidbit on comedian Jan Hooks passing away was surprising well written.
It was humanized and gave good reference points from her life whilst giving
information about her passing.
Sidebar: The
tidbit about George Clooney was a bit dull. The sentence about “his marriage
two weeks about in Venice” needs to be removed, as it does not pertain to the
tidbit. It is old news, should not be reiterated. Also, the ending part is a
bit cliché, yet it is a funny in-joke to fans.
The photo needs to be changed, it appears as if Clooney is about to
sneeze rather than speak at the NYC Comic Con.
Sidebar: The
Hallie Berry/Extant tidbit was good
until it listed unrelated information about how Life Under the Dome was also renewed for a new season. I understand
that it is about the shows’ being renewed, but it starts off discussing Extant and Berry, it should continue
doing so.
Main Story: The
main story need a rewrite and should be flipped with the story that follows on page
two. The quotes and paraphrases have been chopped up and spliced in one
sentence, attributions should read “said” and not “says,” and there is
information about Downey Jr. being a father and what he does in spare time with
new son, this is a good humanized factor, but it does not fit in with the
story, which is reflecting his newest film, The
Judge. There is also language/terms used that I had to look up. A reader
should not have to look up words to understand and read story, it should be
short and simple to the point.
The photo is awkward, for it has
Downey Jr. seated in a courtroom looking confident. It does not go with the
title of the story that is: Robert Downey Jr. takes on the case of a lifetime
(subhead: He’s head to head with Robert Duvall.) A photo of Downey Jr. and
Duvall going “head to head” would be more appropriate.
Second Story: A
film review about St. Vincent, which needs to be put somewhere else in the
paper, such as on page 4. The review is an averaged rating review, and give
spoilers about what happens in the film. A review should be spoiler free so
that those who go see the film can enjoy it and not have background information
before going to it. As with the main story on the front page, there were
“slang” words used and words I had to look up just to understand the review. A
reader should not have to look up words to understand and read story, it should
be short and simple to the point. Different words need to be used.
The photo is a simple screen capture
from the film, showing Murray, who plays St. Vincent in the film, propped up against
his vehicle. It does not match the cutline about his character being a Vietnam
War veteran. The photo should reflect this information.
Page Two:
Main Story: Similar
stories to the main on the front page but better written. This is the story
that should have appeared on the front page. It has good quotes, it is decently
written, with fewer grammatical mistakes and of combining quotes and
paraphrases, and the photo reflects the cutline and the title.
Bottom Half of
Page Two: There are two basic and simple stories. Both are previews for new
shows: The Affair and Cristela. The previews give the readers
information enough to be prepared for the new shows, yet for The Affair, it gives spoilers. These
need to be removed from the preview.
Page Three:
Sidebars: There
is one column of two sidebar tidbits. The first is about the 10 Best Readers’
Choice Awards for Best College Town Weekend nominees. There should be a space
between 10 and best; the writers assume everyone knows about these awards,
which we don’t. More explanation on the awards is needed. And finally, so what?
I don’t care about this story, why should other readers care? It needs to be
moved down to be the last sidebar tidbit.
The second story is about top tattoo
artists in the country being on a tattoo fan cruise next spring. The attributes
of each artist should be list in parenthesis to make it less wordy, and the
information about the cruises should be moved up after the second paragraph, as
it is more important information.
Main Story: This
is a full page Travel-journey story about two photographer friends driving
around Vermont during the fall season to take photos. It is a typical travel
story, giving mostly descriptions. However, what makes this story unique is
that at the bottom of the page is a section that gives helpful tips to
photographers of all ranges on how to photograph during the fall season. There
should be some sort of graphic that separates this section from the main story.
Page Four:
Main Story:
Inside Georgia’s Coolest Places? Really? Why do I care? I don’t even want to go
to Georgia after reading this story anyways. A waste of space. The writer
should have taken more time into looking for more interesting places and events
going on in Georgia rather than list dull facts such as Shopping for Carpet in
Dalton. I can shop for carpet probably on the store website in my living room,
and not even have to leave to go to Georgia. The order of the list should be rearranged
and reevaluated as well, for it is a basic travel-type story: all lists and
descriptions. There is no human factor to the story, needs to be made personal.
Bottom Half of
Page Four:
Left Side
Review: The review is on the Disney film, ALEXANDER AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE,
NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY, is one of the better reviews. It has few grammatical
errors, with just one line that reads awkward due to wordiness. It does however
list some spoilers from the film, which as stated before, it should be spoiler
free; I understand the reviewer is critiquing these parts of the film, but it
does not have to be scene by scene. Since this is one of the better reviews, it
should have either been listed on the front page in place of the St. Vincent
review, or at least the second page, for it is on a family-friendly film.
The photo for the story draws
attention to it, being a screen capture from one of the films “funny” scenes,
and the cutline is appropriately written.
Right Side
Review: This review had the highest remarks and star rating, so why is it
listed on page four and not page two? It is on the Broadway revival, It’s Only A Play, starring Nathan Lane
and Matthew Broderick. The review contains no major spoilers from the
production, it is however filled with clichés, but in this case it works for
the story. It should have included a quote or two from one of the productions performers
on the success of the play.
The
photo is an average photo for theatre production review, it is however too
small and a bit fuzzy. The cutline is appropriately written.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Critique of USA Today's Life Section #5
This past Friday's edition of the Life section of USA Today had a multitude of errors and it was just plain bad!
Front Page:
Sidebar: The first sidebar tidbit is about baby Prince George & nanny, have been followed by a stranger, and how the family is taking legal action. The writer has "quotations" in the middle of a paraphrased sentence from someone of the royal family, i.e. Kate, William, Harry, the Queen? We do not know who said them. The quotations should be properly separated and not mixed in with paraphrased sentences and should be properly attributed.
Sidebar: The second tidbit is about Ellen Pompeo welcoming a baby girl via surrogate. The first sentence is too wordy, it should be edited so the reader doesn't have to re-read it to understand it. For example: Ellen Pompeo, of Grey's Anatomy, and husband, Chris Ivery, welcomed a baby daughter... etc.
Sidebar: The final tidbit is about Nicole Kidman's outfit at an event. First, the event title is treated as if everyone knows what it is, when in fact we don't. There should be an explanation of the award. Second, who cares what she wore? Did she win anything? Why was she attending anyways? It has something about a "Butterfly" launch, upon research it was a launch of a new jewelry/watch piece. Again, why do I care about what she wore? Why was she there anyways?
Main Story: The main story has many flaws with it. The lede is poorly written, suggesting that the film, Men, Women, & Children, is going to hit people. This is a no no, especially to Professor Morris. Also, the lede lists the actual children of the performers in the film and their ages and are listed in parenthesis. It seems awkward and confusing, the children listing should be moved elsewhere in the story. The writer also inputs opinion in the story, which interviews the film's performers about the film and about their say on today's digitized lifestyle. The quotes are not properly attributed. And as with the sidebars, the writer has "quotations" in the middle of a paraphrased sentence from the cast. It is confusing to read. I actually had to read the story a few more times to understand what it was about and who said what. The story is a good starting point, but needs more emphasis and quotes from the cast.
Secondary story: Netflix stream gets deeper as Sandler signs. Boy, what a headline! REWRITE! Sheesh, if a headline is going to be caddy, cliche, etc. it should at least say that Sandler dives in, etc. This story was not bad overall, just the quotations, again, being mixed into paraphrased sentences and are not properly attributed, and they have "says" instead of "said." The last few quotations of the story have no attribution whatsoever, so the reader has no idea who has said them.
The layout of the front page is normal for the USA Today, however they're is a bit more of white space, especially on the lower half of the page. The fonts of the headline on the lower half should be bigger, or the subhead should read across right under the main headline, and the photo of Sandler and Netflix logo should be moved all the way to the last column and not separate the story up.
The Rest of the Paper:
Pretty basic and usual, just like all the previous editions critiqued on the blog. Quotes are the biggest issue, they are choppy, not properly attributed, and some should have not been used at all. The film reviews are normal as well, filled with cliches and some spoilers. If you're doing a review, try not to list spoilers or the film scene by scene. Give an overall understanding/review for the reader, and let them decide to go see it and judge for themselves. The Travel, two-page spread, is typical. It is very descriptive and cliches are listed throughout the thing, however, this was probably the most interesting piece to read and had few errors. The last two pages have television tidbits and previews, which like the Travel spread, was one of the more interesting pieces to read and had few errors.
The critiques are getting easier to do, and are getting harsher. Be prepared for next weeks.
Front Page:
Sidebar: The first sidebar tidbit is about baby Prince George & nanny, have been followed by a stranger, and how the family is taking legal action. The writer has "quotations" in the middle of a paraphrased sentence from someone of the royal family, i.e. Kate, William, Harry, the Queen? We do not know who said them. The quotations should be properly separated and not mixed in with paraphrased sentences and should be properly attributed.
Sidebar: The second tidbit is about Ellen Pompeo welcoming a baby girl via surrogate. The first sentence is too wordy, it should be edited so the reader doesn't have to re-read it to understand it. For example: Ellen Pompeo, of Grey's Anatomy, and husband, Chris Ivery, welcomed a baby daughter... etc.
Sidebar: The final tidbit is about Nicole Kidman's outfit at an event. First, the event title is treated as if everyone knows what it is, when in fact we don't. There should be an explanation of the award. Second, who cares what she wore? Did she win anything? Why was she attending anyways? It has something about a "Butterfly" launch, upon research it was a launch of a new jewelry/watch piece. Again, why do I care about what she wore? Why was she there anyways?
Main Story: The main story has many flaws with it. The lede is poorly written, suggesting that the film, Men, Women, & Children, is going to hit people. This is a no no, especially to Professor Morris. Also, the lede lists the actual children of the performers in the film and their ages and are listed in parenthesis. It seems awkward and confusing, the children listing should be moved elsewhere in the story. The writer also inputs opinion in the story, which interviews the film's performers about the film and about their say on today's digitized lifestyle. The quotes are not properly attributed. And as with the sidebars, the writer has "quotations" in the middle of a paraphrased sentence from the cast. It is confusing to read. I actually had to read the story a few more times to understand what it was about and who said what. The story is a good starting point, but needs more emphasis and quotes from the cast.
Secondary story: Netflix stream gets deeper as Sandler signs. Boy, what a headline! REWRITE! Sheesh, if a headline is going to be caddy, cliche, etc. it should at least say that Sandler dives in, etc. This story was not bad overall, just the quotations, again, being mixed into paraphrased sentences and are not properly attributed, and they have "says" instead of "said." The last few quotations of the story have no attribution whatsoever, so the reader has no idea who has said them.
The layout of the front page is normal for the USA Today, however they're is a bit more of white space, especially on the lower half of the page. The fonts of the headline on the lower half should be bigger, or the subhead should read across right under the main headline, and the photo of Sandler and Netflix logo should be moved all the way to the last column and not separate the story up.
The Rest of the Paper:
Pretty basic and usual, just like all the previous editions critiqued on the blog. Quotes are the biggest issue, they are choppy, not properly attributed, and some should have not been used at all. The film reviews are normal as well, filled with cliches and some spoilers. If you're doing a review, try not to list spoilers or the film scene by scene. Give an overall understanding/review for the reader, and let them decide to go see it and judge for themselves. The Travel, two-page spread, is typical. It is very descriptive and cliches are listed throughout the thing, however, this was probably the most interesting piece to read and had few errors. The last two pages have television tidbits and previews, which like the Travel spread, was one of the more interesting pieces to read and had few errors.
The critiques are getting easier to do, and are getting harsher. Be prepared for next weeks.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Critique of USA Today's Life Section #4
I'm going to change things up a bit with this weeks critique. Instead of discussing all the micro-editing issues, I will be discussing the macro-editing issues. I at first skimmed over the paper as I usually do, then go back and read the stories that caught my eye first and read the rest last. I have picked two stories from this past week's edition to critique and macro-edit.
In the first story, about actress Reese Witherspoon and her "jam-packed fall schedule," lacks substance. It is a basic interview with a celebrity about his or her current projects. The lede does not make sense whatsoever. "Reese Witherspoon has a jam-packed fall." Ok, where are the elements what, where, when, why and how? The second paragraph gives all these in back-up information style, but some of it should be answered in the lede, which is very cliche. The story is a basic informative interview. It lists Witherspoon's projects and how she is a mother, however there are points that have the author's opinion bleeding in. For example: "Unlike with some of her other more mature fare..." Who's to say it is mature and isn't? Is that not one's own opinion on what is mature and is not? I find a PG-13 film to be suitable for most, and a R-rated film to be mature. Some people find PG-13 to be mature. Again, its an opinion. There are no statements that can be considered libel. The author takes note to include Witherspoon's exact words even in mid-sentence, which is rather annoying. If it can be paraphrased, do so, if not quote it. There are quite a few holes in the story. Mainly it can be added to for it lacks substance and veers off the original subject, i.e. busy fall schedule to motherhood. There can be more added to about her other projects and more added to about her life as a mother. It was just to simple, it needs to be "filled in" for it is too short and choppy. Overall it is a basic story that gets the general idea across, but lacks more potential and interesting information.
In the second story, about the animated Star Wars television show, Rebels. We have here another cliche lede: Star Wars is in an Empire state of mind. I really just shook my head when I read this. The lede needs to be cut. The following paragraph should be the lede: "The nefarious galactic government that gave us Darth Vader, a couple of Death Stars, and a horde of marching At-Ats in George Lucas' original movie trilogy, returns in the new animated series Star Wars Rebels." This story does however get to the point as a preview and does not give any major spoilers, just small teasers to get readers and fans ready. However, the writer here, as in the other stories in the paper, plops quotes in mid-sentences instead of paraphrasing. If the writer did interview the executive producer, or pulled it from a press release, there has to have been at least ONE good quote to actually use. The story is there, but like the Witherspoon story, it has potential to be more interesting and longer with more information. I would have suggested the writer contact fan groups, George Lucas, and others associated with the Star Wars franchise to get their say on the new animated show. veralp an ok story/preview.
One final note, I know these USA Today writers are trying to keep it in present tense, but STOP USING SAYS and use SAID!
In the first story, about actress Reese Witherspoon and her "jam-packed fall schedule," lacks substance. It is a basic interview with a celebrity about his or her current projects. The lede does not make sense whatsoever. "Reese Witherspoon has a jam-packed fall." Ok, where are the elements what, where, when, why and how? The second paragraph gives all these in back-up information style, but some of it should be answered in the lede, which is very cliche. The story is a basic informative interview. It lists Witherspoon's projects and how she is a mother, however there are points that have the author's opinion bleeding in. For example: "Unlike with some of her other more mature fare..." Who's to say it is mature and isn't? Is that not one's own opinion on what is mature and is not? I find a PG-13 film to be suitable for most, and a R-rated film to be mature. Some people find PG-13 to be mature. Again, its an opinion. There are no statements that can be considered libel. The author takes note to include Witherspoon's exact words even in mid-sentence, which is rather annoying. If it can be paraphrased, do so, if not quote it. There are quite a few holes in the story. Mainly it can be added to for it lacks substance and veers off the original subject, i.e. busy fall schedule to motherhood. There can be more added to about her other projects and more added to about her life as a mother. It was just to simple, it needs to be "filled in" for it is too short and choppy. Overall it is a basic story that gets the general idea across, but lacks more potential and interesting information.
In the second story, about the animated Star Wars television show, Rebels. We have here another cliche lede: Star Wars is in an Empire state of mind. I really just shook my head when I read this. The lede needs to be cut. The following paragraph should be the lede: "The nefarious galactic government that gave us Darth Vader, a couple of Death Stars, and a horde of marching At-Ats in George Lucas' original movie trilogy, returns in the new animated series Star Wars Rebels." This story does however get to the point as a preview and does not give any major spoilers, just small teasers to get readers and fans ready. However, the writer here, as in the other stories in the paper, plops quotes in mid-sentences instead of paraphrasing. If the writer did interview the executive producer, or pulled it from a press release, there has to have been at least ONE good quote to actually use. The story is there, but like the Witherspoon story, it has potential to be more interesting and longer with more information. I would have suggested the writer contact fan groups, George Lucas, and others associated with the Star Wars franchise to get their say on the new animated show. veralp an ok story/preview.
One final note, I know these USA Today writers are trying to keep it in present tense, but STOP USING SAYS and use SAID!
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Critique of USA Today's Life Section #3
This is a critique of the USA Today's Life section, Friday's paper.
As with the first two critiques, the same things keep appearing. The writers use "says" instead of said. They try very hard to make it present tense, when they shouldn't. It just seems awkward. Another thing I noticed in the paper, is that they will have a direct quotation paragraph and not end with a quotation mark, and then the next paragraph is another direct quotation and it starts with the mark. I'm not sure if this is their style, but for one, it is rather annoying. Any direct quotation paragraph should end with the mark if the following one starts with the mark. Common sense.
The main issue I had with this past week's paper, is that the stories are not well organized on the pages. The front page story is about Tony Bennet and Lady Gaga's duet album, which is being released next week. This was already covered on the Today Show, CBS Good Morning, and a few other newspapers/magazines. I understand that the USA ran the story because the album is about to be released, but it's a bit old news, and should have gone on the third page. Also on the front page is a movie review of "This Is Where I Leave You." The review is a bad one, as are three of the four other reviews. The only good review is the 'Tracks" film review, which should be flipped with "This Is Where I Leave You," as it is a good review and people will read it and want to go see it, why put it on the second page? On the third page is a preview on the new series, "Gotham." This should have gone on the front page. One, it's a well-written preview, it doesn't give away spoilers, and it is on a brand-new show that has been said to be "the most promising new show this Fall." I would switch it with the Tony Bennet and Gaga story.
The rest of the paper is about travel, which is just the fourth and fifth pages. One of which is a feature story, which just describes and makes suggestions on "how to take romance on the road." To be honest, I only read half of it before saying, "I don't really care."
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