Front Page:
The graphics on
the header are covering up the paper’s name. This should not be, as the readers
should know what paper they are reading and what section it is. There is a
judge’s gavel and an orange leaf covering this information.
Sidebar: The
Lifeline tidbit on comedian Jan Hooks passing away was surprising well written.
It was humanized and gave good reference points from her life whilst giving
information about her passing.
Sidebar: The
tidbit about George Clooney was a bit dull. The sentence about “his marriage
two weeks about in Venice” needs to be removed, as it does not pertain to the
tidbit. It is old news, should not be reiterated. Also, the ending part is a
bit cliché, yet it is a funny in-joke to fans.
The photo needs to be changed, it appears as if Clooney is about to
sneeze rather than speak at the NYC Comic Con.
Sidebar: The
Hallie Berry/Extant tidbit was good
until it listed unrelated information about how Life Under the Dome was also renewed for a new season. I understand
that it is about the shows’ being renewed, but it starts off discussing Extant and Berry, it should continue
doing so.
Main Story: The
main story need a rewrite and should be flipped with the story that follows on page
two. The quotes and paraphrases have been chopped up and spliced in one
sentence, attributions should read “said” and not “says,” and there is
information about Downey Jr. being a father and what he does in spare time with
new son, this is a good humanized factor, but it does not fit in with the
story, which is reflecting his newest film, The
Judge. There is also language/terms used that I had to look up. A reader
should not have to look up words to understand and read story, it should be
short and simple to the point.
The photo is awkward, for it has
Downey Jr. seated in a courtroom looking confident. It does not go with the
title of the story that is: Robert Downey Jr. takes on the case of a lifetime
(subhead: He’s head to head with Robert Duvall.) A photo of Downey Jr. and
Duvall going “head to head” would be more appropriate.
Second Story: A
film review about St. Vincent, which needs to be put somewhere else in the
paper, such as on page 4. The review is an averaged rating review, and give
spoilers about what happens in the film. A review should be spoiler free so
that those who go see the film can enjoy it and not have background information
before going to it. As with the main story on the front page, there were
“slang” words used and words I had to look up just to understand the review. A
reader should not have to look up words to understand and read story, it should
be short and simple to the point. Different words need to be used.
The photo is a simple screen capture
from the film, showing Murray, who plays St. Vincent in the film, propped up against
his vehicle. It does not match the cutline about his character being a Vietnam
War veteran. The photo should reflect this information.
Page Two:
Main Story: Similar
stories to the main on the front page but better written. This is the story
that should have appeared on the front page. It has good quotes, it is decently
written, with fewer grammatical mistakes and of combining quotes and
paraphrases, and the photo reflects the cutline and the title.
Bottom Half of
Page Two: There are two basic and simple stories. Both are previews for new
shows: The Affair and Cristela. The previews give the readers
information enough to be prepared for the new shows, yet for The Affair, it gives spoilers. These
need to be removed from the preview.
Page Three:
Sidebars: There
is one column of two sidebar tidbits. The first is about the 10 Best Readers’
Choice Awards for Best College Town Weekend nominees. There should be a space
between 10 and best; the writers assume everyone knows about these awards,
which we don’t. More explanation on the awards is needed. And finally, so what?
I don’t care about this story, why should other readers care? It needs to be
moved down to be the last sidebar tidbit.
The second story is about top tattoo
artists in the country being on a tattoo fan cruise next spring. The attributes
of each artist should be list in parenthesis to make it less wordy, and the
information about the cruises should be moved up after the second paragraph, as
it is more important information.
Main Story: This
is a full page Travel-journey story about two photographer friends driving
around Vermont during the fall season to take photos. It is a typical travel
story, giving mostly descriptions. However, what makes this story unique is
that at the bottom of the page is a section that gives helpful tips to
photographers of all ranges on how to photograph during the fall season. There
should be some sort of graphic that separates this section from the main story.
Page Four:
Main Story:
Inside Georgia’s Coolest Places? Really? Why do I care? I don’t even want to go
to Georgia after reading this story anyways. A waste of space. The writer
should have taken more time into looking for more interesting places and events
going on in Georgia rather than list dull facts such as Shopping for Carpet in
Dalton. I can shop for carpet probably on the store website in my living room,
and not even have to leave to go to Georgia. The order of the list should be rearranged
and reevaluated as well, for it is a basic travel-type story: all lists and
descriptions. There is no human factor to the story, needs to be made personal.
Bottom Half of
Page Four:
Left Side
Review: The review is on the Disney film, ALEXANDER AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE,
NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY, is one of the better reviews. It has few grammatical
errors, with just one line that reads awkward due to wordiness. It does however
list some spoilers from the film, which as stated before, it should be spoiler
free; I understand the reviewer is critiquing these parts of the film, but it
does not have to be scene by scene. Since this is one of the better reviews, it
should have either been listed on the front page in place of the St. Vincent
review, or at least the second page, for it is on a family-friendly film.
The photo for the story draws
attention to it, being a screen capture from one of the films “funny” scenes,
and the cutline is appropriately written.
Right Side
Review: This review had the highest remarks and star rating, so why is it
listed on page four and not page two? It is on the Broadway revival, It’s Only A Play, starring Nathan Lane
and Matthew Broderick. The review contains no major spoilers from the
production, it is however filled with clichés, but in this case it works for
the story. It should have included a quote or two from one of the productions performers
on the success of the play.
The
photo is an average photo for theatre production review, it is however too
small and a bit fuzzy. The cutline is appropriately written.
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